What If? A Twilight Fan Fiction
by Juiccy
Summary: What If Bella's Life Was All A Dream?What If The Cullens Never Existed!This Story Is About That :
1. Chapter 1,Realization

Chapter 1. I completely hate mornings.

"Forever and forever and forever," he murmured.

"That sounds exactly right to me."

And then we continued blissfully into this small perfect piece of our forever.....

And _then_,I woke up.

I opened my eyes in shock,disbelief,horror but the most strong emotion._Pain,_I thought to myself _'Wait..Vampires can't sleep?' _

Then,In shocking realization..I really understood what was happening.

I was dreaming all were no such thing as vampires,No such thing as shape-shifting werewolves.

I had no other ,Esme,Emmet,Rosalie,Jasper,Alice..They were not _true._Just a beautiful amazing figment of my the worst part hit me,

Edward and my beautiful Rennessme.

My beautiful curly haired wide eyed Rennessme was just.._gone._And the one and only love of my life,Edward Anthony Masen Cullen,Ceased to exist.

I screamed,And I cried..I _writhed _in pain and ran up the stair's immediately,I told him I was having growing pains in my leg and that it will go away the whole thing was,The _truth _was that it will _never!_ Go away.I had lost everything meaningful to baby,my husband,my best friend,my second mother,my second father..My _life._

Their was no Jacob to patch up the hole I once dreamt about,_Nothing._There was only bitter school,work and life it's self to life to me now is a silly little terrible _horrid _excuse for being alive right now,Which was something I didn't _want _to be!And then I ventured to a little space of my imagination..Memories.

I thought about our first kiss,our first _danger._But I tried to stop thinking about the bad and straight to the good.

The night we came back from Volterra,And the way he kissed me..So urgent on my the way his rock body lined against night he unformally proposed and I thought it was a the night he slid that ring on my finger,The day I we got married..The way I always got lost in his warm golden,_butterscotch _eyes.

How he alway's took my breath away and the way he _'dazzled' _ wedding night,the way I felt when my beautiful innocent hyper,excited baby felt in my first hunt..which was so _perfect _as the other pain killed me.I was on the verge on jumping out the I knew on my way to suffer another worthless day of school I would die by my trip in front of a moving bus,Trip and fall down into a river and drown or drip on knives knowing my luck.

I was now boring,clumsy and depressed Isabella Marie_ Swan -_I said my last name in sheer disgust._._Not Isabella Marie Cullen,Wife, and Mother of of course my most odd title.._Vampire._I was a strong powerful unbreakle immortal being.

Now some clumsy teenager who cant open a can of stupid _pickles._

I turned around in my bed to face the window,Raining..Raining cats and 's swirling in the breeze and hail falling from the sky.A clash of thunder erupted in my ears.

I thought to myself with undeniable hope _'Maybe it's Emmet and Edward playing baseball?'_

Obviously not!As much as I wished it were them..It wasn't.

Then I thought about..._Our meadow._

The pain _ripped!_ Right through me now..Not my stomach though.

My brain,heart,every limb and organ.

With aimless stupidity,I got out of bed,And got dressed.I hopped into my broken down Chevy and drove.I could remember then turn's and everything,It seemed still so real to big beautiful _coma._I parked my car at the side of the rode and left my jacket inside the car.I decided to wear the same blue blouse Edward commented me on the night he saved my from serial rapist's in Port mind told me that he _never _commented me about the top,But my _heart _didn't.

I flung back the tree's with the swing of my weak arms and every so often I would get whipped in the face with the branches.

It's what I deserved for letting my imagination beat me to an utter pulp like this.

And then,I found it.

It was the meadow.._Our _meadow.I sat down on the grass.

And broke into wistful sobs and oceans on I bettween my sobs I screamed out true,emotional words.

"_Why?Why god?Why do this to me?How could you just use me mind as a little toy!Why couldn't you just let it be true?!My Baby,My husband my family...how could you do such a thing to a defenseless human like me?You already made me a magnet to must _seriously _hate me."_

I sat there quietly,My arms around my legs and my face hidden between my knees.

This was something that was _not fixable._


	2. Chapter 2,Ultimatiums

What was next? _Try _and go on with life..Or opt it with the whole Cliff Diving thing I Was Sure,

_I had no desire to be alive._

I had to leave the meadow,It was too then,I thought to myself...Maybe it was true?Maybe Edward was at school right now sitting with his brothers and sisters and wondering why I wasnt there.I ran with un-human like pace,Like..

A I knew I was still this _puny_ little human,

By the time I got to the car I thought I would collapse,My heart was racing and my legs were killing me.I got in the car and the engine made the same rattling sound,It shook so much I was somewhat I didn't care,This was something Edward would try at make me get a new car moment.

I drove down to my school,And I saw all the cheerleader's practicing their new routine, _'S-P-A-R-T-A-N-S come on now,We are the best! School spirit is what we have and that is what we flaunt!Bring on the came and give us what we want!'_

If someone was watching me right now,I have _obviously _had no school spirit.

I walked in and the teacher gave me and old look..I would too if I was her,I was barging into school at 12:30 during school hours and I was supposed to be here at 8.I walked straight up to the fair haired blue eyed receptionist,She looked like a moody one.

I guess I'll _try_ to be nice for a moment,

"Hello,My cousin was looking for a friend's phone number and I thought you might have that number in your records?" I asked in my politest tone. "Who exactly is it your friend is looking for?" she asked in a suspicious way,I better not have to show proof that I go to this school.

"Edward Cullen?" The name _ripped me to pieces._It was nothing like my dream when he first left me in the woods,

Fourty thousand times browsed through the shiny Mac computer and I waited,All to impatient.

"Umh,I'm sorry..but there is no existing record's for an Edward Cullen..What's your name may I ask?" More pain,3 Cheers for the worst life ever.

"Isabella Marie Swan,Why do you ask?" I said in a suprised tone. "Miss,You dont go to this school.I have to ask you to leave."

I was undeniably in utter,complete _shock."_I never said I went to this school,It was an inquiry for my friend..Angela Weber.I'll leave now anyways,Sorry for the inconvience." I said in a more rude tone. "Oh,Well okay..Goodbye now."

She eyed me up and down,I almost lunged for temper was bad these days,

_Very bad._I stormed out of this god forsaken hell nearly smashed my truck to a pile of ashes when I closed my door.

My anger lasted for 3 seconds,And then I broke into silent tears and inaudible sobs.

I was a pile of ashes,I was the world broken into the tiny pieces.

My heart was the Ozone Layer,a hole that can't be fixed.

I missed him,I missed my Edward so _much! _And my baby Rennesme,But who was I really wasn't that much of a baby part I missed.

I took out my phone and rang a number I didn't want to call,

Jacob Black.

"Hey,Bells!" He said it in an over excited tune,I didn't like that. "Hey Jake.-time for me to put my game face on.-"So..Jake,How about we go out and get..dinner?or something like that." "Wow,Bella sure!" Ugh,Too much hope for a relationship,Did he know I was a married woman with a child..And in love with a fictitious life?No,He did not.

"Okay,Bye."

"ARGH," I was sick of this lie,I wanted my fictious husband and child.


	3. Chapter 3,Oh Hell No

"Bella,What's wrong?" Jacob said in a concerned tone,And of course my mind wondered off for a quick moment.

_Oh,jacobs nothings wrong,Nothing at all!I just lost my husband,child,family,life,future sanity and i'm having thoughts of suicide but that's nothing..And you?_

"Nothing Jake,I'm just..Tired,Y'know?" I _was_ tired,That was only point of truth in that sentence."Oh,Okay Bells!" Too much entuhsiasm once in the the resturant _Bella Italia _made me upset,This was were me and Edward interrogated each other in my little fantasy world.

"Jacob?Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Bells,What?" He asked,confused.

"Do you know anyone with the last name Cullen?Or Hale?"

"No,Why?" Dammit.

"Oh,No reason"I smiled a fake smile,This was really bothering me.

"You ready to go home..I could drive you?" Jacobs offered.

"Sure,Let me ,And Jacob?"

"Yeah?"He said confused again.

"Thanks,For being a good friend." " No problemo Bells!"

The drive home was quiet,Execpt for the insanley loud rap music Jacob was playing.._50 Cent _is what he was playing,All the profanties and lyrics mimiced by friends were _not _the best infuluence on broke the silence,"Bella..?" "Yeah,Jake."

"Your so quiet!" Jacob said in a sarcastic tone.

"Headache!" I tapped my forehead and forced a smile.

"And your HOME."He said,He was so hyper and jumpy you'd think he was doing drugs.

Maybe he'd loan me some?

I shook my head and was utterly _shocked! _At myself.

I tryed to jump out of the side of Jacobs old Volkswagen Rabbit,Being short was diffucult.

"Need help Bells?"He said consideratley.

I sighed and gave up,Who was I kidding?I wasn't getting any taller sitting here.

"Yes,Please"I said aggravated.

Jacob grabbed me down by waist,He held me tight..

Too tight.

He lifted me down and before I knew it he had his lips on mine,I was _furious!_

I was kicking,hitting pulling his hair,NOTHING was working!

He did this to me before,So If he really was a werewolf,I wasn't going to punch him.

I didn't have Carlisle to patch me up.

He finally stopped,_Thank you lord jesus!!_

"Bella,That was great."

"_YOU INGORANT DOG!DONT _**EVER **_DO THAT AGAIN,GO TO HELL JACOB."_

I stomped away,He tried to grab me by the waist again but I kicked him where it hurts,

_really hurts._

I ran through the door,Charlie could'nt be bothered with my moods he didn't notice.

I almost tackled down the door,I pounced on to my bed and dug my face into the pillows.

"AH!I HATE THIS,I HATE MY EXCUSE FOR A LIFE." I sat back up and grabbed my dingy little CD player,I opened it to see whether I had Debussy or Muse in there.I had no idea.I opened my eyes,Shocked and in amazement,Feverish tears burned through my was the CD he gave to me,

_My_ lullaby.

I had this inch of hope in me,I had this slight feeling..Of hope.I felt like he was here with me for this slightest second!

I collapsed into my pillow again,I forced my eyes clothes and I hoped I would slip off into just see my family for the slightest my _Rennesme._


	4. Chapter 4,Dreams

Chapter .

"Night night,Nessie."

"Night momma." I loved it when she called me that,It send a rush of electricity through my spine.

I walked out of the room and suddenly I was lifted up by strong,familiar hands.

"Boo!"

"Edward,grow up." I said in an adiment tone.

"I cant,remember?I'm a vampire."He flashed me a wide,stunning smile.I was _dazzled again._

"Umh,What?"

"That's better."

He held me tighter and kissed me,I threw my arms around his he sat me on the kitchen counter top,I broke the kiss for a moment.

"Hey!I just wiped this countertop y' I dont need my butt on it either."

He shot me an akward glance,Looking at me as if I had lost my mind.

"Does this face look like it cares?" Edward said in the most sarcastic tone I have ever heard.

"I quess not."

"Exactly."

He crushed his lips to mind this time,Hand's on my 's good that a vampire can breathe when you feel like I just forgot how lifted me up off the countertop and held me in his arms and walked off to the living I woke up,

_AGAIN!_

I was lying in my bed,Window wide old Gold's gym top and Pink Panther mini-shorts.

My hair a tangled mess,I sat up took my blanket and rapped it around I started crying again,Was this some big tease?Did god _like _to tease me?I quess so.

I got up,grabbed a piece of paper and a pen,I didnt want to be in this house anymore so I wrote a note to Charlie,

Dad,im gone off for a morning drive.I'll be back soon,

i love you so so much,and dont worry about me.

-Bella.

I threw on some basic clothes,All my jeans were in the wash so I had to suffer with this little pink miniskirt that Rennee gave me.I threw on a white tank top and brown belt with it,A sloppy grey jacket and gray flats.I was going to be freezing,This was Forks,Not L.A.I walked carefully downstairs and threw in some ,It felt like I have been waiting centuries for my poptarts,Not 30 seconds.I ran down to my car and hopped in.I wasnt sure of were I was going.I had brought my wallet with me and maybe I could do some food shopping?Charlie did need some new vest's?Maybe I could get him some from Fruit Of The Loom.I put the key into the igniton..Dammit!It wasn't starting for me.

"No good piece of crap." I mumbled under my breath to the silly old was Rosalie to fix a car when you need her?

I decided to drive down to the Cullen house..Or whoever owned the house I had no idea.I really was in no mood to cry if I found out the house didn't exist.I think I've cried every tear in my useless body.

I twisted and twirled down the empty damp roads,Until I made it to the ,Eh.I had a better idea.

It was 7:00 Charlie would be at work already,I drove home.

I opened the door and walked straight in,I ruffled through the drawers and picked it out..

A Meat clever. I didn't know wether to chop my head off or chop of Jacob's something for being such an I was thinking of cutting my wrist's instead.I faint at the sign of blood,So maybe if I cut deep enough I'll die from the sight of blood this if I was going to die,I wanted to die in the meadow.I wanted to die in the place of someone I though that one person didn't exist.

I wanted Edward,I wanted to feel hands,his lips against mine.I wanted to feel his body I knew what I was doing.


End file.
